Akatsuki Kittens!
by Fluffysnowball123
Summary: Who knew that a cardboard box full of kittens could lead to world war 3? Well, that might be exaggerating a little, but that's how it felt when Calida, Juliet, and Alex's kittens sprouted into criminals who claimed to be from a different world. How will they deal with a group of murderers present at Calida's house? That's the thing, they don't know.
1. Chapter 1

My long brown hair cascaded down and passed my shoulders as I ambled along the sidewalk, humming along quietly with the tune of the music my earbuds produced. Dark clouds stretched out above me, and a light rain fell, prompting me to zip up my black jacket in preparation for the heavier droplets that were sure to come. Lightning blinded me for a moment, accompanied with the loud crashing sound of thunder.

The tiniest drops of rain had grown into large amounts of water, pelting my jacket mercilessly as I scurried to put my hood up. More flashes along with boisterous thunder enveloped me and I turned the volume up on my phone in an effort to drown them out. My screen was dotted with specks of water, and I made sure to wipe them off with my sleeve before returning it to my pocket.

Icy cold wind lashed out at me as I continued along the sidewalk, trembling violently and staring straight at the dimly lit house on the other side of the street. It was a relief to see something familiar, and I crossed over from the sidewalk into the yard, making sure to check for any incoming cars as I did. This house was mine, if it hadn't been made obvious, and I hurried over to the door to take cover on the porch.

My entire body shook from the cold, and I grabbed the door handle in a desperate effort to reach warmth, only to notice something out of the corner of my eye. A small cardboard box sat beside the door, taped shut with only the smallest of holes on the side. At first, I thought it was a prank my obnoxious younger brother had come up with, but a soft _mrrow_ proved me otherwise.

 _There couldn't possibly be something in that box…_ I thought silently, leaning down to peer into the single hole on the box's side.

It certainly smelled of some sort of animal, and I managed to make out several bundles of fur running amuck in the blackness. A black one meowed frantically as it was chased by a yellow colored one, and two others sat in the corner, their fur blanketed by the shadows as they meowed quietly to each other, almost as if they were discussing something. When my eyes adjusted a bit more, I found a crimson one sitting in the back corner, a gray one and dark gray one tussling in the middle, along with a black and white one strolling around and meowing to itself.

I was almost positive there were probably more, but I decided to find out when I went inside, and gripped the bottom edges of the box, slowly lifting it up. It was more complicated with the added weight of the kittens, but I managed to reach the living room and set the box down on the floor at least. However, when I entered I was met with my brother, Kin, sitting on the edge of the table, his legs crossed and a wide grin stretching across his face.

"Where'd you get _that,_ Calida?"

I furrowed my brow, ignoring him as I undid the tape and opened the box. Meows erupted from inside it immediately, and ten furry kittens scurried to escape what probably was the equivalent to prison to them.

"Whoa, calm down…" I coaxed, slowly and carefully tipping the box on to its side so that the small animals could explore.

They spilled out in disoriented clusters, some crawling under the furniture while others hurried to scramble away from me, practically tripping over their own paws. There were two in particular, however, I noticed, that stayed right beside me. Upon further examination, I found that one was a ginger furred kitten with lavender eyes, the other being dull blue with amber eyes.

They weren't the only two, however, a black furred one, though he'd retreated, was staring straight at me with his dull black eyes, as well as a crimson one with light brown eyes, who'd ducked under the chair.

"Cute aren't they~?"

I narrowed my eyes and sat up with the full intention of breaking a bone or two of my brother's, only to pause at the sound of the doorbell ringing.

 _He did_ not _do what I think he did…_ I thought agitatedly, turning away from my snickering brother and reaching for the door.

Once I'd opened it, I looked up and locked gazes with the two shadowy figures in front of me, the flash of lightning that revealed their identities confirming my suspicions.

"Sup, Calida"

One of the figures greeted me while she entered, blinking her violet eyes and running a hand through her dark brown hair as she stared at Kin, who'd shown up behind me. The other figure, a bit more energetic then her partner, raced forwards and wrapped her arms around me, rambling on at an alarming rate.

"Wow, Calida- ow!" Kin began from behind me, but quickly shut his mouth as the dark brown haired girl grabbed his arm and pushed him on to the floor.

"Don't-ow ow ow!"

My ears filled with Kin's pleads as I gently pushed the girl clinging to me off, raising my voice a bit to overpower her own as I muttered "Okay, okay, it's good to see you to, Juliet"

A smile stretched across her face and she nodded, reattaching herself to my arm after a moment.

"Alex, seriously, stop- tch!"

I turned my head around as Kin's cries grew more desperate, only to find Alex bending his arm backwards while she pushed his face into the floor.

"Calm down!" I shouted, trying to pry her off with the one arm that wasn't being latched on to "Medical bills, Alex, think of the medical bills!"

She glared down at my brother, but loosened her grip "Sorry, I just can't stand the sight of this *******" She spat out, climbing off of him reluctantly "Its scum like him that drive me nuts"

I rolled my eyes, but didn't reply as I led her and Juliet into the living room, where all the kittens had scattered. Most of them were hidden under furniture or in places I couldn't quite get to, but a few stood in plain sight, catching Alex's attention.

"Where'd you get the kittens?" She asked, and I glanced back at Kin, who lied sprawled out in the hallway, clutching his side while groaning in pain.

"It was _that_ idiot"

She let out an exasperated sigh, turning her head around to glare at him for a moment, before crouching down to examine the kittens further. Her sights seemed to be set on the light gray cat with distinctively colored purple eyes, so I left her to it and leaned down to snatch a crimson furred one with brown eyes. He struggled violently in my grip at first, but gradually calmed down as I stroked his fur and whispered soothing words into his ear.

He let out a small _mrrow_ and curled up in my lap, closing his eyes slowly while I gently pet his back. Beside me, Alex allowed the light gray cat to bat at her hands, while Juliet cradled a dull blue furred kitten with black stripes and beady black eyes close to her cheek. Even Kin had come over to join us, and was playing with a ginger kitten.

I glanced down at the crimson fur ball curled up in my lap for a second, and then lifted my head up to fix my gaze squarely on Kin as I asked "Hey, can you please explain where these kittens actually _came_ from?"

He held my gaze for a moment, and then smiled cheekily "I found them on the street, it looked like they'd been abandoned by their owner so I picked em' up and left them outside on the porch for you to deal with, I'm not really a cat expert, so…"

"I'll kill him"

I rolled my eyes at Alex's response, and sighed, leaning back against the couch.

"We'll decide what we'll do tomorrow, for now let's just feed them"

Kin nodded in agreement and I sat up, careful to set the crimson kitten down on the couch before I headed into the kitchen. Once I was there, I opened the refrigerator in search of something they might like, many of the fruits catching my eye.

 _It's all I have right now, they'll have to deal with it_ I thought to myself, grabbing an unopened thing of Raspberries and setting them on the table.

Once I'd opened it, I grabbed ten plastic bowls from a shelf, and lined them up on the table, filling each one with only a few of the fruit each. By the time I'd finished, it was completely empty and I made sure to throw it into the garbage before returning to the living room, carrying each bowl and setting them down in separate areas.

"Did you really get them _raspberries_ , sis?"

I ignored my brother as I sat up, brushing off my red sweatpants before turning to Juliet and Alex.

"I know you've only just gotten here, but it's getting pretty late, you two should probably go"

Juliet let out a small whimper, but Alex nodded in agreement, turning away from me and towards the door.

"Alright, we'll be here straight thing in the morning tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay"

I watched as they left, sighing as I turned to Kin.

"I don't know if you're staying up or not, but shut off all the lights when you go to sleep, the last thing we need is a huge electrical bill"

He smirked, and nodded as I passed by him.

"Good night, sis"


	2. Chapter 2

_I fluttered my eyes open, blinking a few times to adjust them to the surging blackness engulfing me. My entire body felt numb with cold, and I struggled to even lift my head up to examine my surroundings more thoroughly. My vision was clouded in eerie darkness, so I used my ears instead, catching the sound of a quiet voice echoing around the abyss._  
 _It was clearly the voice of a distressed child as she called out desperately for her parents._  
 _"Mom, dad, wait!"_  
 _I listened silently to the girl's cries, putting a hand to my face only to find that I had been crying. The tears were streaming down my cheeks, and my nose was running, but why? This didn't have anything to do with me… so why…? I wiped the glistening tears from my eyes, turning over to look at what could possibly be on the other side of me._  
 _And there, I saw the distant figures of a brown haired girl with blue eyes, whispering gently to a smaller blonde haired boy with brown eyes as she stared at two forms fading into the blackness. This is so familiar, could this be…Oh yes, I remember now, this is-_  
"-Calida, wake up!"  
I let out a groan and rolled over on to my side as an impatient voice urged me awake, ignoring the hand mercilessly tugging at my shoulder as I reluctantly sat up, disregarding my muscles protests.  
" _What do you want, Juliet?"_ I muttered in a thoroughly annoyed tone, pushing passed her as I stumbled off of my bed, letting out a small yawn.  
She sighed in relief when I brushed passed her, as if it was a surprise for me to wake up with her bothersome tactics, and scurried over to my side while replying "Me and Alex have been waiting for you, remember what you promised yesterday? We're supposed to talk about the kittens!"  
I let out a groan, ill-tempered and tired " _Yeah, yeah_ "  
I walked passed the door to my room, blocking Juliet's constant blabbering off as I sauntered down the hallway and into the living room, where Alex awaited me.  
"Took you long enough" She remarked, emphasizing her statement with an exasperated sigh "I thought you'd never wake up"  
" _Sure…_ " I muttered, letting out a yawn as I sat down beside her on the couch, snatching the peacefully sleeping yellow cat curled up on the other side of me and setting him down on my lap.  
He looked up at me for a moment, before letting out a lazy meow and resting his head on my knee, his flank rising up and down as he slowly drifted back into sleep.  
" _Calida…!_ "  
I stroked the kitten's head gently, before turning to look at Juliet as she squirmed impatiently in front of me.  
"What?" I asked, and she made the perfect definition of the frustrated emoji, before grabbing my arm and pulling me off of the couch, not even bothering to see if the yellow kitten had fallen off or not, which he did.  
"Kittens, we need to get stuff for the kittens!"

I tore my arm away from her, rolling my eyes "Okay, okay, just let me go get dressed!"  
~

Pein watched through narrowed eyes as the light brown haired girl sauntered away from her companion, gesturing with his tail for Konan to come join him.  
"These are troubling circumstances…" He muttered, turning his head to look at her as she sat beside him "You can tell, can't you? These girls have no chakra, and this place… it's nothing like our world, there's something seriously wrong here, Konan"  
She nodded, her eyes fixed on the two remaining girls, who pestered Sasori and Kisame as they desperately tried to escape.  
"Yes, this certainly isn't anything like Amegakure, or any village for that matter" She murmured, ear twitching as she added "This couldn't possibly be our world, unless we've ended up in an unknown village, which I doubt"  
Pein nodded in agreement, his tail waving back and forth as he thought the situation over.  
"Konan, gather the others, it's time we discussed this" He ordered after a moment, brushing passed her and stealthily sneaking passed the two girls as he called over his shoulder "Bring everyone into the last room to the right, we'll meet there"  
Not waiting for a reply, he treaded lightly into the room, making sure he went unnoticed as he studied its features. The walls were painted a dull white, and the carpet was a soft red, standing out against the rows upon rows of brown boxes lining the walls. Pein blinked against the light shining down from one single window to his left, and crept into the middle of the room, sitting down and curling his tail around his paws.  
It took a moment before members of the Akatsuki began spilling into the room in multicolored clusters, breaking from their groups or starting up conversations, though they all were eying their leader intently, all clearly aware he had something to say.  
"Hey, spit it out…" Sasori spat quietly, flicking his tail impatiently "I hate waiting…"  
Pein narrowed his eyes, and fixed an icy glare on the crimson red kitten "I'd suggest you don't speak to me in such a foul tone again, Sasori" He warned, his fur bristling slightly "You'll regret it"  
The crimson kitten let out a small hiss, but didn't say anything more, turning his head away as if he'd been scolded.  
"Whatever…" He muttered after a moment, and Konan's ears perked up from her spot beside him.  
"Pein, I heard that those girls are leaving, this is the perfect chance to do some investigating" She informed, fixing him with a knowing gaze as she added "But first we need to discuss this matter…"  
He nodded, examining each and every one of the Akatsuki's new bodies with a cold gaze.  
"You're all aware of what has happened to us…" He began, whiskers twitching "We've been turned into kittens, and sent… to this place… where humans carry no chakra…"  
He paused for a moment, before continuing "Which means… we're probably not going to have any chakra as well, or it will be limited… and there's always a chance we won't be able to return to our old bodies…"  
Hidan snickered before his leader could speak once more, nudging Kakuzu with his paw "Imagine it, breaking news, criminal kittens on the run, stealing all the catnip from around the world, they call themselves the Akatsuki kittens, beware!"  
Kakuzu glared at his partner, and roughly shoved him forward with a dark gray paw "Shut up, Hidan, we need to take this seriously"  
The light gray cat chuckled slightly, but didn't reply, turning his attention back to Pein, who cast him a warning glare before speaking again.

"Anyway… we need to investigate for any possible cures, there's a chance we might have it all wrong and these girls are working with the ninja who transformed us, therefore they probably have something to change us back" He muttered, sitting up and brushing passed Deidara and Zetsu as he added "Come on, everybody search, we need to find at least one thing before those three come back"  
~

"Calida, let's get em' the mouse toys!" Juliet shouted, not waiting for a reply as she grabbed the package stuffed with poorly made toy mice and hurling them into the cart.  
I attempted to take them out afterwards, but she threw another package of cat toys in to it without asking, followed by one after another.  
"Juliet, I can't pay for all of this!" I complained, pulling out a cluster of toys before she could stop me and throwing them back into their original spot.  
"Yes you can!" She argued, pulling my hands off of the remaining toys in the cart and casting me with a defiant glare.  
I let out an exasperated sigh, and pushed the cart into the opposite direction of her, making sure she wasn't going to put more toys in the cart while I wasn't looking.

"We're not getting anymore" I snapped in a stern tone of voice, and when she didn't reply, I pushed the cart forward "We need to go see if Alex has found any food for them yet, anyway"  
~

Pein took light steps into the white floored room, leaping on to the white space beside the sink and tentatively putting a paw into the dip where you'd usually wash your hands at. It felt dry, as if it hadn't been used for a while, but it was still slippery, and he had to slide back and into the wall to not lose his footing. Letting out a relieved sigh, he took cautious steps back towards it, the small handle you used to turn the water on catching his eye.  
It wasn't very likely what he was thinking, but it was worth a try, so he swatted at the white handle with his paw, satisfied as crystal clear water leaked down from the faucet. Cautiously, he leaned his head down, shivering as the water streamed down his fur. He stayed in that position for a moment, and then leaned backward, shaking out his wet fur.  
Just as he'd thought, it hadn't worked, but as he leaped back down from the sink, something unexpected happened...like cat-to human unexpected...


	3. Chapter 3

So it seemed that Pein had finally gotten what he'd been looking for the entire time, though he wasn't in the ideal situation for it. Sure, he definitely was a human now, back in his normal body, but he wasn't wearing his Akatsuki outfit, or anything for that matter, which made things complicated. He was the leader of a group of S-Class criminals, sure, but he still had feelings such as embarrassment, and he would not take the risk of leaving the bathroom he was trapped in, only for Konan to spot him. He was definitely _not_ going to let that happen.

However, even if that was how he felt, there really seemed to be no other options, so Pein did what Pein did best. He grabbed a towel that hung from the shower, wrapped it around his waist, and turned the sink on, proceeding to fill it up with water. Once it was full, he opened the door he'd originally shut, and left the room, eyes narrowed. It was time to go kitten hunting.  
~

"Alex, watch out!" I shouted, attempting to grab the steering wheel as she made a sharp turn "You're going to kill that poor old man!"  
Her face twisted in frustration and she shook me off, swerving passed the panicked man I had been referring to as she bit her lip.  
"Calm the **** down, Calida!" She snapped as we reached my neighborhood "I know what I'm doing!"  
I glared at her "Tell that to the five red lights you passed, and the seven dogs you almost ran over!"  
She threw her hands up into the air "Well, _sorry_! Jesus...will I ever catch a break?!"  
I opened my mouth to reply, but Juliet cut me off from her spot in the back seat.

"Oh my god, Alex! Put your hands back on the wheel! The wheel! _The wheeeeel!_  
~

Pein's plan would've been perfect. He could've returned the Akatsuki back to their normal bodies, slaughtered the girls, and figured out a way to escape the world they'd been sent to without any issues. But _no_. There had to be that _one_ problem standing in his way. That _one_ blonde haired boy that Pein just _had_ to forget about.  
Yes, there in front of him, stood a very confused looking Kin, whose smile immediately vanished upon seeing a _naked_ stranger running amuck in his house. His expression was the definition of absolute bewilderment, and Pein could only watch as the blonde shook his head in a dumb-founded state, bringing his hand to his face in the act of a much needed face palm.  
 _Damn it… this kid's going to be a problem…_ Pein thought, putting a hand out "Almighty Push!"  
As expected, the surrounding area turned to dust in a matter of seconds, and whatever remained of Kin's body was buried by rubble. Or at least that's what Pein _wanted_ to happen, but no. Instead of the house vanishing in thin air, crumbling to the ground, he just held his hand out like an idiot after shouting those words.  
The blonde in front of him tilted his head "Uh… Almighty _what_?" He questioned, a small but nervous grin appearing on his face "Oh, I see what's happening here… One of those crazies broke in… heh… uh… you know this isn't your house, right?"  
Pein glared at him, biting his lip to the point where a small dot of blood formed and trickled down his cheek _Looks like in order to dispose of the problem I have to take it head on…_  
Before the younger male in front of him could muster up any kind of reaction, Pein grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall, grabbing him by the neck with both hands in an effort to choke him.  
"H-Hey…" The blonde stuttered, desperately scratching at Pein's hands in an effort to remove them from his neck "L-Let go-tch!"  
Pein watched through narrowed eyes as the boy broke into a coughing fit, tightening his grip.  
"Accept your fate" He murmured, noticing that his victim's struggling was becoming more frantic and weak "No one will save you, so just… _die_ …"  
He dug his nails into the blonde's neck, but was interrupted by a surprised yet angry shout.

"Get your hands off of my brother!"  
~

I've come home to many strange things in my lifetime. But _never_ did I ever expect to come home to a naked man pinning my brother to the wall while choking him. Definitely _never_ anticipated that. It even took me a moment to process the situation, and I immediately felt concern for my sibling after realizing the consequences of letting the situation continue.  
"Get your hands off of my brother!" I shouted, leaving my very confused friends sides and charging for the man without even any thought of what might happen to me.  
He turned to glance at me as I reached out to grab his shoulder, and darted out of the way so that Kin went toppling to the floor, his breath coming in ragged gasps. As I bent down to check on him, an unlikely foe joined the fight, slicing a straight line down my arm with her unsheathed claws. I quickly shook the dull blue kitten off, only to be clawed at from behind by the light gray kitten and crimson kitten.  
I shoved them away and scurried to get on to my feet, only to be knocked off of balance by the man, and pushed roughly on to the floor. My head pulsed mercilessly, and my vision flickered from black and different blurred colors now and then, until I finally fell into unconsciousness, the sound of Alex and Juliet's cries the last thing ringing in my ears.


	4. Chapter 4

" _Ugh…_ " I awoke with a groan, rolling over on to my side while letting out a pained gasp.  
 _What happened- oh wait_ … I thought, the memories of the events from earlier flowing back into my head.  
Immediately, I forced my body to lift itself off of the floor of what looked like my storage room, and leaned against the wall, my head pounding with a truly painful headache. This was a situation I'd _never_ expected to find myself in, so I was at a loss for what to do. Letting out another moan of pain, I forced my eyes open and examined the room, finding that I was, indeed, in the storage room.  
Surprisingly though, I wasn't tied up or anything, which was pretty stupid on my infiltrators part, since I could escape without a seconds thought. Which is what I did. Or, _tried_ to do, at least. Immediately upon opening the door, I found myself staring at two men, who turned upon hearing the door burst open.  
"Tch, so she woke up, huh?" The one farthest to your right, a man with blonde hair and blue eyes, murmured, sighing and taking a step towards you "We don't have chakra, so this'll have to do…"  
I barely had time to react as he hurled a punch at me, and even then, his fist still grazed my cheek, as I recoiled from the impact. The one farthest to my left, with messy crimson hair and narrowed brown eyes, let out a sigh and turned his gaze away from me and the other man. Unfortunately though, in that one moment I looked away, I was knocked on to the floor, and yet again, everything went black for me…

Pein gently dipped the last kitten, Itachi, into the sink water, immediately pulling the black kitten out and setting him on the floor, hurling the towel on top of him just as the transformation took place and Itachi sat on the floor with a towel on his lap.  
"Water's certainly not the cure I was expecting…" The Uchiha murmured, and Pein nodded in agreement, letting out an exasperated sigh.  
Itachi raised an eyebrow "Still recovering from Hidan flashing you the evidence of his gender?" He mused, and Pein shuddered, blocking out the memory of Hidan's rather _inappropriate_ behavior earlier.  
"I'm just glad it's over…" He sighed, and then added, turning to Itachi "There are clothes in the last room to the left, grab some"  
Itachi nodded, sitting up with the towel wrapped around his waist and exiting the bathroom, his footsteps fading as he entered the clothing room.

Pie. Pie was the most delicious thing on the planet. Cherry pie, Apple pie, Pumpkin pie, even just mention of the dessert sent your taste buds sky rocketing into who knows where. Pie is something to savor. Pie is something to enjoy. And pie is also something to be used for bribery.  
Pie is how me, Alex, Juliet, and Kin escaped from my supposed kittens. I'll never look at pie the same way again. You see, when I awoke from the _second_ time I'd lost consciousness, I was in a different room. And in this room, in the same predicament as me, were Juliet, Alex, and Kin.  
The ginger haired man arrived shortly afterwards, and that's where pie came in. And it may sound stupid. Absolutely _ridiculous._ But he released us after we offered him pie. And residence at my house of course, but that was another story.  
Juliet offered him pie. I thought it was dumb, something that would surely get us killed, but no. It saved us. I think we've got God and pie confused. Or at least pie is _my_ true lord and savior.  
Currently, I sat rather uncomfortably on the couch, while each 'Akatsuki member', as the ginger haired man called them, sat with a piece of pie on their plates. They seemed content, and that was all I cared for. At least they wouldn't slaughter me, right?  
I let out a sigh, flinching at the sound of the ginger haired man's voice.  
"I think there might be some explaining in order" He said, setting his empty plate on the table "First, my name is Pein, I am God"  
I blinked. I stared. And then I just shook my head, letting out an exasperated sigh.  
"Yes… My name is Calida, and I am an ordinary teenage girl … continue please"  
He nodded in acknowledgement "Yes, well …Calida… though it may be hard to believe, me, as well as all of them" He gestured towards the others, who all halted in gnawing and nibbling their pie to stare at you "Were your kittens sent from another world to yours for some unknown reason"

"…"

"…What…?"  
It took me a moment to process what he had said, but the moment it functioned in my brain that this man, as well as all of his friends, were clearly in need of some mental help, I shook my head without blinking, in complete and utter awe that this man… **** it, let me just say it this way. I was currently in a house full of crazy pie lovers, who quite possibly carried weapons on them.  
That's when I started contemplating my life.  
"Wait, so you're telling us that you lived on a different planet, just happened to wake up as kittens on my porch, and now you have nowhere to live so you want to stay with me?" I asked in disbelief, blue eyes wide with bewilderment.  
A moment of silence overtook the room, until Pein replied with an awkward "Err… yes"  
"No"  
It was my immediate reply, almost a natural reaction, and the strangers scattered around my living room turned to look at me, all looking either equally angry, disbelieving, or just that "I knew it" look.  
"I refuse to allow a bunch of potentially ill minded strangers to live in my house" I clarified, and it was followed by a nod of agreement from Kin. Oh yeah, I forgot he was here. And Alex and Juliet for that matter.  
Anyway, Pein let out a sigh, looking hopeless.  
"Listen, what do I need to do to prove this to you?" He questioned, gazing deep into the depths of my blue eyes.  
I was at a loss for an answer. How. The. Heck. Could. He. Prove. This. Ridiculous. Story. To. Me? It was utterly impossible.  
And instead of acknowledging his question with an answer, I just deadpanned, feeling hopeless.  
"You know what? You can stay" I muttered, and then added, noticing the look of relief that crossed over Pein's face "But only for approximately two weeks, I'll let you stay here for longer if you figure out a way to prove your ridiculous story to me, sound fair?"  
He looked slightly unhappy, but complied with my request, and nodded "That sounds reasonable"  
I crossed my arms, ignoring Kin's annoying shouts of protest as I basked in the accomplishment of getting rid of them. How did I get rid of them you ask? They were still there, right? Well, yes, but there was absolutely no way they'd be able to confirm their story, so in two weeks' time, I'd never have to see them again. Perfect plan.  
Or so I thought. But the events that followed after that were certainly everything but perfect. They were odd. Kind of fun. And well, just plain weird. But it's also where the tale of Akatsuki Kittens, truly begins.


	5. Chapter 5

The morning after that was rather eventful. Pein introduced the rest of the Akatsuki members to me, so I was left with the names Sasori, Deidara, Tobi, Konan, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kisame. And after that, we decided to have breakfast, which is why currently, we sat at my dining table, tackling the issue of clothes while eating.  
"Listen, as much as I want to help you guys, I don't really have enough money to pay for you all..." I murmured quietly, refusing to lock gazes with any of the, most likely unhappy, criminals as I added "So..."  
Pein was the first to reply "Then we'll steal, it's not that hard"  
My eyes widened in shock, and I shook my head back and forth vigorously "No way!" I cried out defiantly, but unfortunately for me, the Akatsuki members all seemed content with their leaders plan.  
"Listen, Calida, how else are we going to get clothes? It's mandatory to have them, and if you can't pay for all of us, we'll do what we do best, commit a crime" Itachi reasoned from his seat, and I let out an exasperated sigh, at a loss for what to do.  
"But I don't _want_ to be a criminal" I whined, which earned an amused snicker from Kisame at the end of the table, as he replied,  
"Then we won't get caught, it's simple"  
 _Jesus Christ, they really are insane..._ I thought with a groan, and then responded, pointing at each of them with a shaky finger "But you're all still naked from yesterday!"  
That's right. I forgot to mention that they all still wore towels around their waists. None of them were actually fully clothed. Important detail.  
Anyway, silence followed my words, until Sasori finally cut in "Well... Do you have any _temporary_ clothes we could wear...?"  
I narrowed my eyes, a sudden idea drifting back into my head as I nodded slowly and replied "Yes, actually... But not enough for everyone, some of you will have to stay behind..."  
Pein nodded, and then added, moving out of his chair to sit up "Alright, that's fine"  
"Follow me then" I replied, leading him passed the, still sleeping Kin's, door and into a room beside it without another word.  
Pein entered quickly at my heels, looking back and forth as he examined the blackness of the unfamiliar space "Who's room is this?"  
I leaned down beside the dresser sitting by the door, scrounging throughout the piles of clothes and throwing them out on to the floor as I responded flatly "My dead-beat dad's..."  
When he didn't reply, I quietly emptied out the drawers full of clothes, and then explained, dusting my pants off as I sat up "That's about four outfits, round up whoever you plan on taking... I'm going to go call Alex and Juliet over while you do that... _And_ wake up my lazy ass brother..."

After my two friends had arrived and Kin had been awoken (Though he said he refuses to go to the store with us), I discovered that the four going were Sasori, Pein, Itachi, and Deidara, as well as Konan, who borrowed some of my mothers old clothes, and... Tobi. He'd started bawling when we didn't bring him along, so he was now wearing one of _my_ pink shirts with silver glitter, which revealed his stomach since it didn't even fit him... And plain jeans that weren't even close to his size... He seemed content though so I didn't question it.  
"Where are we going?" Juliet asked curiously, and a devilish grin flashed on my face, before I responded,  
"The forbidden world... Hell on earth... _Walmart_..." I announced mockingly, pretending to shiver while Alex made the 'dun dun dun' sound effects next to me.  
Though, the criminals accompanying us didn't seem as amused.  
Konan tilted her head from beside Pein "What's this horrible world you're taking us to?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.  
"It's just a store!" I reassured, noticing the worry in her eyes "Just not very fancy..." My eyes flashed to Tobi, wearing his pretty-princess outfit "I think we'll fit in though, don't worry..."  
"Then let's hurry up and get going..." Sasori cut in impatiently, crossing his arms and tapping his foot rudely.  
I nodded in acknowledgement of his words, reaching for the door knob outside of the hell hole that was my house.  
"Off to Walmart!"

When we arrived, everyone spilled out of the car as if their lives depended on it. Mainly because Alex, in the front seat, had a bad case of road rage currently, and was spitting out curses faster then anyone I'd ever met was capable of.  
"She might even surpass Hidan at this rate..." Deidara murmured, before turning to glance at the Walmart building curiously "...This place doesn't seem as bad as you made it out to be, hn..."  
"Wait until you get inside..." I responded absent mindedly, eyes fixed on the grumbling Alex as she crawled out of the car, stomping along beside us as we turned to walk to the building.  
After entering, we immediately went to the men's section for clothes, ignoring the confused glances directed towards our weird little group. And once we'd gotten there, Pein backed each of us into the corner, before proposing his suggestion "We need a distraction..."  
I nodded slowly, leaning closer to Sasori and grabbing his arm, ignoring his confused rambling as I replied "Let's split up into groups then, they'll have a hard time going afafter all of us if we're in different parts of the store"  
Pein tilted his head "But we're only here for clothes, there'd be no point in that…"  
"I don't think you understand what I mean…" I replied with a sigh, and then added, in a matter of fact voice "Let me put it this way… If the distraction gets everyone's attention, we'll be able to slip away without anyone noticing, because they'll all be focused on whatever's happening wherever… It's strange how the human mind works, but hopefully it'll go well!"  
Sasori grimaced as he shrugged me off of his arm "You have no idea what you're talking about, do you? You're just trying to look smart…"  
A nervous smile crept on to my face, and I shook my head slowly "N-No! Of course not…"  
"Yeah, sure…" He responded mockingly, and then added, much to my relief "Though it might work… Let's get split up and it should go from there I guess…"  
Tobi let out a small screech almost immediately after Sasori had spoken, sounding almost like a Raptor or some weird shit as he gripped Deidara by the arm and shouted "I'll be with Deidara!"  
Everyone's heads turned in their direction, and Juliet smiled and joined the two of them "Me too!"  
"Well that's one group decided…" Pein murmured quietly, and then added, turning to Konan "I suppose we'll go together too?"  
Konan nodded, and turned to Alex "How about you come with us? That'll leave Sasori, Itachi, and Calida…"  
"Sure" Alex replied flatly, going to join her group while Itachi brushed passed her to meet me and Sasori.  
"Alright then, we'll go to the food isle!" I decided, without giving much recognition to my partner's feelings "We'll think of something _really_ good to rile up the costumers here…"  
Pein nodded in acknowledgement of my statement, before muttering "We'll stay here, when the distractions are complete, scream something, so we know when to move"  
Juliet grinned cheerfully "Alright then… We'll go to the kids section!" She chirped, grabbing both Deidara and Tobi's hands without taking note of what they thought about it.  
It was followed by a happy cry from Tobi and an annoyed sigh from Deidara.

Juliet led Tobi and Deidara around the store and into the kids section, seemingly forgetting they were supposed to be setting up a distraction as she examined each toy on the shelves, humming a cheerful tune.  
"Shouldn't we be readying our distraction, un?" Deidara asked, dodging a Barbie doll that Juliet hurled at him, his eyes brimming confusedly.  
"Oh yeah! I've got a good idea, wait here!" She chirped, leaving Deidara and Tobi to stand awkwardly in the toys section, mostly Deidara dreading the shuffling sounds he heard from the neighboring isle.  
After a few moments of waiting, Juliet finally returned, holding… a mermaid costume, princess costume, and a fish costume for whatever reason…  
"Tobi, you're going to be the mermaid, okay? I'll be the princess, and Deidara can be the fish~!" She cheered, throwing each costume at her chosen candidates without giving a second thought.  
"Yay!" Tobi chirped, struggling to slip into the mermaid outfit, which Deidara assumed was for ages 4 and lower since it literally didn't even reach up to the masked man's waist.  
Juliet, seeming to notice the issues Tobi was having with the costume, pulled out three more of the costume from her pockets and put one mermaid tail on each of Tobi's hands, and the slipped one over his head. As a finishing touch, she poked a hole exactly where Tobi's eye was so that he could see, sitting back to admire her work. Tobi was legitimately covered head to toe in mermaid tails.  
Letting out a sigh, Deidara glanced down at his own costume, rolling his eyes to find it was a men's size fish costume.  
 _People these days…_ He thought, discarding the fish outfit on to the shelf closest to him with a small 'hmph'.  
"I'm not wearing that" He muttered, letting out a sigh of annoyance when Juliet grabbed him by the arm and began repeating over and over again in a whiny voice,  
"Wear it, wear it, wear it, wear it, wear it!"  
" _Fine_!" He snapped after a long moment of annoying whimpers and cries from Juliet, hurrying to slip into his _stupid_ fish costume with a sigh.  
"Mama, that bitch a pedophile, I'm telling you" A small seven year old named John Cena muttered to his parent, staring at Deidara through his black sunglasses disapprovingly.  
"Shh… He might here you, sweetie…" His mother warned, casting worried glances towards the, more or less, confused as fuck Deidara.  
"Mama, I don't fucking care if that bitch ass pedo here's me… jeez, so many judgmental people these days…" John snapped, sticking his tongue out at Deidara and then turning into a pile of pigs and disappearing.  
Oddly enough, the mother didn't seem to mind and kept walking onwards with her hoard of pigs.  
"Don't mind John…" Juliet murmured, suddenly appearing behind Deidara in her pretty pink princess outfit "…He's a weird one… You know, you should be really happy! He's one of the rarest Pokémon in Walmart, there's only a 1 out 100 chance of encountering him… Don't worry, next time you'll be sure to catch him!"  
She put a toy Poke Ball in the, practically crying out of bewilderment, Deidara's hand, and turned to grab Tobi, running off while screeching the Power Rangers theme song.  
"Duh, duh, duh, Power Rangers!" She screamed, gesturing for Deidara to follow her as they pranced around the store, singing the Power Rangers theme song while mixing in some Pokémon in there as well.  
It surely caught the attention of costumers everywhere.

"Calida, what exactly are we doing?" Sasori questioned as I wandered the food isles in search of a good plan of diversion for our criminals- I mean friends.  
"I'm thinking! We need to make this good…" I responded, biting my lip as I thought of all our possible options.  
Itachi stared blankly at me, before murmuring quietly "We could do something ice cream related…"  
My head snapped up, and I put both of my hands on Itachi's shoulders, much to the Uchiha's confusion.  
"You are a genius" I praised, staring him straight in the eyes.  
"Um… Okay…" He replied, deciding not to question it as I led him and Sasori into the back where the ice cream lay.  
I pulled the freezer door open upon reaching it, enjoying the cold air that washed over my face as I reached for several cartons of the delicious flavored ice cream, mauling the two men behind me with chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and many other flavors of the dessert.  
"Okay…" I said after I'd gotten a satisfying amount of the food, sitting up and turning to meet the two "Start throwing that at absolutely everyone you see… scream while you do it too, so the other customers can hear… This is going to be a badass ice cream riot!"  
They both had blank expressions on their faces at my command.  
"What?" Sasori questioned, and I pulled one of the cartons out of his hand with a frustrated 'tch', turning to a man that appeared to be in his forties sitting next to us.  
"Watch!" I shouted, tearing off the lid and grabbing a handful of ice cream, splattering it all over his shirt.  
Before he even had a chance to be shocked, I began throwing more clumps at him, and at other passersby too. After a few moments, Sasori and Itachi joined in, and we danced around the store, screaming at the top of our lungs while throwing ice cream at anyone who dared defy us.

Pein, Konan, and Alex had already booked it with handfuls of multi-colored clothes, and now sat in the car, patiently waiting for their crazy friends to return. God, they're such trolls.


End file.
